Tea Break

Tea Break

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we’re not exactly… Read more »

Business One-liners !

A stagnant science is at a standstill. A theory is better than its explanation. A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first. A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous. Ability is a good thing but stability is even better. Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed. Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) – Stafford Beer According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist. According to… Read more »

Crazy New York Laws

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. A person may not walk around on Sundays… Read more »

Shrinking the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people

If we could shrink the earth’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look something like the following. There would be: 57 Asians 21 Europeans 14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south 8 Africans 52 would be female 48 would be male 70 would be non-white 30 would be white 70 would be non-Christian 30 would be Christian 89 would be heterosexual 11 would be homosexual 6 people would possess 59% of the entire world’s… Read more »

Symptoms Of Getting Old – Are You Displaying Any Of These Symptoms?

You leave gigs before the encore to “beat the rush”. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they will be all right for the garden. You buy… Read more »

Joke Time

A Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened… Read more »

Joke Time

A man left work one Friday afternoon. It was payday, so instead of going home, hestayed out the entire weekend partying with the lads and spending his entire pay cheque. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was bollocked for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” He replied, “That would… Read more »

Joke Time

A mate was in Auckland recently to witness, while getting ready to fly home to Sydney, what he said was one of life’s great events. He was having a drink in one of the airport lounges when four older Kiwi farming types staggered in wearing All Blacks polo shirts. They had settled down to what proved to be a heavy bout of drinking when the mobile phone of one bloke rang. The subsequent conversation was loud enough for everyone in the business-class lounge to hear … “Hello, Dear… Read more »

Joke Time

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, “You sign! You sign!” Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder. “You sign! You sign!” Nelson says to him, “Look, you’ve obviously got the wrong man”, ushers the man off and shuts the… Read more »

Joke Time

Possible names for Liverpool’s new stadium What about the Nou Cam-down?” (You’ve got to say it in a scouse accent to get it – Ed) How about the Dey-do-dough-don’t-dey Dome? The Stadium of Lightfingers, anyone? If you received any decent jokes or interesting trivia by email recently, send it on to us.